Monday, May 14, 2012

...A Birth Story...

Well, it's been two weeks since my nephew, Eyon (pronounced E-an) aka "Seven", aka "Chicken", came into this world...and a beautiful experience it was!

I blogged last about the trip to the hospital and us leaving that sis could labor at home in peace.  Well, a couple days after that, the labor got active.  She pretty much labored at home all day...and it did get a little painful around midnight but she remained a trooper!  LOL

Simply by observation and following our intuition...we figured out what positions were comfortable for her, then she reached the moment..."I need drugs!"  That was when we decided it was time to go to the hospital.  It was always her choice to go to the hospital...but she was firm in not being poked and prodded, which is why we left the first time.

What makes the story really funny at this point, is when we got to the hospital the doctor that was trying so hard to make this woman get pitocin was on call.  I swear his eyes bucked like the cartoon characters...LOL...he didn't know what to expect.  We got to the hospital at 2:00 a.m. and he checked her about ten minutes after the hour..."9 centimeters, 100%, 0 station..."  and she was steady saying she was ready for the epidural.  Here's where getting crafty with words come in.  In order to not stop her progress, we assured her that the epidural was coming but first they had to start the IV for 30 minutes.  I loved how the staff, one of her best friends and I looked at each other, knowing it was too late for an epidural and she was gonna be pushing soon. :-)

Sure enough, 30 minutes later....TEN CENTIMETERS!  That first could see this little ones head...3 pushes later, he was out!  Apparently this baby and his mother were the talk of the floor.  They hadn't experienced a mother leaving...having the support to leave on her own and seemed they were preparing for the worse.  This little boy was just fine...6 lbs 5 oz, 19 inches long and letting people know he was here by his cry!  He even had a knot in the umbilical cord.  My sis was so proud of herself that she did it with no drugs, even though she was wanting an epidural at that point...not realizing it was really just time to push.

What was even more amazing was how rested she felt later that day...not feeling drugged or sore from an epidural.  As a black woman and how much my community is quick to go to the doctor and let them tell what they need to do or not do...not trusting their own intuition...I am absolutely proud of my sis for owning her power and not giving it to someone else that wanted it so badly, so they could have their way!

Mom and baby are doing well and had a wonderful Mother's Day!  I can't wait to get back to Jersey for a visit...I miss my lil "chicken" (chicken legs...LOL)!  :-)

What Are We Doing?!...Relationships, I Tell Ya...

Relationships seem to be on my mind today.  I've had a range of emotions for the past few weeks.  All my relationships, with myself, my daughter, my mother, my wife, my husband...even my friends and acquaintances via social network and those I've been friends with for years crossed my mind in particular yesterday on Mother's Day.  I saw how loving and supportive we were to each other acknowledging the women who portray motherhood in their respective perspectives.  It was quite beautiful.

But why we can't do this everyday is puzzling to me. We do the same thing for Father's Day, Thanksgiving,'s like the most loving, kind, powerful experiences come on holidays.  Why can't we do this everyday, just because?  Thinking back to those moments in your life, how did you feel?  Wasn't it a loving moment for you that you wanted to last more than just for that moment?

My goal is to live as such everyday.  Sometimes I think it's easier for me, because I was raised not celebrating all these holidays.  I respected them though...even birthdays...because of how they made people feel.  It was almost euphoric because for ONE day, they feel special.  However, it seems these holidays get tainted...Mothers upset they gotta do it all and no recognition...Fathers that don't get their props because they are seen as a sperm donor or a no good for nothing (...need I finish the phrase??)...people going broke just to make children happy with material things...WHAT ARE WE DOING?!  Who benefits from it all?  Is it us...because I don't see it.

I was at a happy hour last week that was rather entertaining.  Although I knew none of these was interesting seeing virtual world meet the physical world...and see just how eff'd up we are and somehow THINK we aren't accountable for how others treat us.  This one sis...smh...bless her...she was taking a break from drinking because she realizes she does "stupid stuff" when she is drunk.  Well, that's just a little "truth serum" kicking in, right?!  She decided to go to her ex boyfriend's house, basically speak her truth of how she felt he was (basically insulting and abusive...yes ladies, we do it too!) and later asked him for some "lovin".  LOL...Erykah Badu's song pops into my head with the verse, "...just make love to me...just one more time and then you'll see...I can't believe I made a desperate plea..."  Before I knew it, I asked this woman, "You just insulted him...what makes you think he's gonna give you ANY part of his body?!"  Her response, " man rejects pu$$y!"  One thing I often see, is that as males and females, we really don't respect each other as human beings...with feelings...choices...nor realize that WE are accountable for what WE choose to do or not do...not someone else.


I don't have the perfect relationships...nor are they in any way "of the norm".  One thing I know, is that we have got to respect and love each other.  We can express how we refuse to be disrespected by anyone in any way, but do we give what we receive?  If we want people to be honest with us, are we honest with them?  If we don't want to be treated like we do the same with each other? In particular, the opposite sex?  I've found I place myself in this maternal position, feeling I know what best to do, but it may stunt the growth of the other adults in my life that I'm married to.  My wife is pregnant...sure I've had a child...but she needs to have HER experience.  I can offer my experiences but I have to remember my experiences are not hers to have.  I've caught myself approaching my husband as a child...when I know it's not my intention, but it's how he perceives it.  I don't know what it's like to be a MAN or a FATHER in this's not my place to tell my husband how to be such...but you best believe I've got his back and will continue to build him up and not tear him down.  Our daughter letting me know what she sees...her mother showing everyone love...something I know not everyone sees on a daily.  My daughter is coming into her own...being a teenager that we once were...and can offer advice, yet there are things she has to learn on her own...and should have support from her parental unit (more than just 2 parents) that the sky's the limit (or not)!  WE are all learning how to be something we have no experience, in this lifetime of being...but we are willing to learn...and learn TOGETHER! 

Every human being we come across in our lives...our mothers, fathers, sisters, brothers, lovers, best friends, spouses, "babymamas", "babydaddys", OUR CHILDREN...a person we walk past on the street, just saying "hello"...we are all learning something (internally and from each other) and trying to reach the same goal...LOVE & UNDERSTANDING!  Some people choose to repeat what they learned in their environments, some choose to learn from their experiences...what to do and what NOT to do...break the cycle and evolve.

Let's build each other up...let them know daily how much they are of value to this universe.  Do you tell yourself that when you look in the mirror?  There is only ONE you...and you are part of the equation of life!  If we can tell babies these things, and we all were once those same babies...why can't we say such as adults?  What changed?  Maybe we should make everyday a holiday so the spirit of encouragement and appreciation of each other lives on for more than ONE day.  Wouldn't that be grand?!  What are you going to do today?!  Love is something I don't mind being contagious! :-)

Wake up, let it go, LOVE and let it be...Have a beautiful day everyONE!  I love YOU!   :-)