Things We Don't Talk About

Being fascinated with birth has led me to a fascination that occurs even before conception...our monthly cycles!

I remember vividly when I first began my period...it was the strangest day ever...a brief discussion with my mom...sent off to school...and suppose to function as if everything is "normal".  And it was "normal"...just not for me, because this was something I had never experienced.

Fast forward to adulthood...most of what you ever hear regarding women or the feminine, especially in regards to "Aunt Flo" is of the negative.  But, what constitutes as negative?

What have we been taught about our cycles?  Our bodies?  Are our bodies flawed?  What do our experiences tell us about being a woman?  What does being a woman mean?

Of course, we are more than just having babies; however, just knowing that fact opens up a world of creativity...especially within our cycles! :-)

Here is what I have discovered on my journey...and still learning:

Every cycle is a preparation for childbirth.  This does not have to be limited to physically giving birth to a child, because we all know not everyone is able to do such, for whatever reason.  Let me be clear by saying THAT IS OK!

Every month when our "red tent" approaches, it is an opportunity to go within, feel where the pain (if any) is taking you.  For me, the more I choose to retreat into my red tent, the less pain I have.  The more I tune out what is around me and pay attention and focus on ME, all those negative associations with my cycle, seem to fade away.

Another thing that has been discovered within is a better understanding of the relationship between the moon cycle and your menstrual cycle.  The 1st full moon cycle began yesterday.  Did you begin your period?  Do you know what that means that your cycle begins during the full moon?

Of course, you can do your research as I have (Google is so your friend)...this is what I have learned:

When you bleed during the full moon and ovulate during the new (or dark) moon, it is called a red moon cycle.  The red moon cycle is an opportunity for inner development and its expression.  When you bleed during the new (or dark) moon and ovulate during the full moon, it is called a white moon cycle.  The white moon cycle is the best condition for a woman to express her creative energies.  Neither one is more powerful than the other, they are both simply expressions of feminine energy.

Here is a detailed description of each moon cycle in regards to our monthly cycles (and my experience within those cycles):

New Moon:  A time to look inward; self nourishing, into the cauldron.  Anxieties, memories and experiences may rise up, eager to be dealt with...time for strong healing!

**I have began my cycle during the new moon and at the same time, there was some much needed healing between my mother and I...some things between us that I needed to embrace and let go of.  And it came right on time...there are no coincidences. :-)

Waxing Moon:  A time to look inward; self nourishing.  Time to think, learn, read new discoveries; receiving information for other women.
**When I began my cycle during the waxing moon, I retreated and was reminded in new ways my path...speaking to my heart and higher self.  That path being helping women welcome their little ones earthside peacefully, as well as loving ourselves more...as women and especially as human beings (healing)...that's how we change the world! :-)

Full Moon:  A time to look outward; world nourishing.  Learn how to transform energy (rage) into creative action, belly cramps into sensuousness.
**When I began my cycle during the full moon, I decided to take a road trip to Philly/New Jersey...by myself!  Also during that time, I began my "Red Tent Journal"...writing all the ideas I have to get women together and celebrate their bodies, at the same time experiencing those very ideas I had written!

Waning Moon:  A time to look outward; world nourishing.  Create in the world that is already created in your imagination.  Substantiate your discoveries, verify knowledge, develop plans and projects & stabilize existing conditions.
**I am sure I had some experience during the waning moon cycle.  I just don't have it documented since beginning my "Red Tent Journal"...that will be an interesting cycle, I'm sure! :-)

Knowing this information about the moon cycles, I began to notice my body letting me know what's up before my mind can figure it out.  I find it amazing how our bodies communicate to us, when we are paying attention.  And that is something that happens even during childbirth...when we leave it be and not quick to intervene.

To begin healing, YOU have to notice the situation.  The situation I notice is within each and every one of my sistahs...your womb!  How we treat ourselves during our cycles...how we introduce it to our daughters...as a curse or a rite of passage.  If we can begin to heal ourselves in that regard...give ourselves a different perspective of our very own bodies and what it was made to do...every month, we can begin healing in other aspects as well.  When we heal within, we heal without!

SISTAHS...we must demand time to retreat and take time out for ourselves.  I know that can be a somewhat difficult task...and IT IS!  Have you ever wondered why we flip out at everyone before our cycle starts...usually called or associated with PMS?  It is our subconscious demanding to be left alone, to have that "me time" to simply BE!  Have a special journal for during your cycle.  I have 2 journals.  I have a journal with a red cover that I decorated and call my Red Tent Journal.  This is a way to keep record of your cycles, write your emotions associated with your cycle...all of that.  Some days my entry will be one sentence.  I simply wrote one day, "My body just feels drained!"  And it did...a later entry during that same cycle, I wrote 2 pages that in a way explained why I felt so drained.

Now imagine if we had circles in our respective communities where groups of women can sit and talk to one another about things we truly do not talk about...this topic being one of them?!  Hmmmm...

There is a rebirth taking place...and it is much bigger than just our babies.  One of my friends (Amma Zulu) posted this a while back on Facebook:

"Rebirth:  In our vaginas our wombs give birth, periodically bleeding as if seriously wounded yet women are resurrected after every cycle."

We, as women, and our periods, are much more powerful than we think.  It makes you wonder why men (politicians and religious leaders, etc.) want to control women whether it be regarding our health choices (birth control and choices in giving birth) as well as having positive thoughts about ourselves (women are to be seen and not heard)!

To my bruthas, don't feel left out...you assist by giving the women you love and respect the space needed to be to themselves and create...and be a better woman, lover, mother...etc., etc. ya dig?!

The paradigm is changing...and that change continues the more we acknowledge and respect our cycles and the moon cycle...it is all connected...and most definitely a POSITIVE occurrence! :-)

Wakey Wakey!

Have a beautiful day everyONE...I love YOU!

Birth IS Changing...or is it?!

It has been a while since my last post (whew...6 months)...and there are always many things The Hippie Diva can blog about...however, this right here...I couldn't help but write about it!

As we have another one on the way, in addition to continuously educating myself about childbirth and in turn educating others...BIRTH is always on my mind.

I was speaking with one of my new found "doula sistahs" the other day.  She was sharing with me that she has missed the last couple of births she was scheduled to attend.  And it wasn't a "woe is me" type situation...we are always overjoyed a little one has sprung earth side.  What it did for me, is start my hamster wheel turning.  I have been hearing more and more stories about how quick a mother's labor is (4-6 hours to be exact...sometimes sooner).  I hear more and more stories of mothers staying home to give birth versus the hospital; or, getting to the hospital just in time to push which means no time for interventions (down to the IV).

What's funny is this story is nothing new to me...this is how I came into the world according to my mother.  She was in labor maybe 6 hours...no drugs...no IV...no interventions...natural vaginal delivery...at the hospital!

Seeing all these things occurring I have to ask myself is birth really changing or is it us remembering how it is suppose to be?!  What is the "natural order of things"?  Along with these questions...I begin to look at how doulas are trained to be "with woman" during her labor and delivery.

Typically, you know the "due date", you know there is a 2 week window (+/-), you have an idea that the entire process is going to take a while...1st stage, 2nd stage, transition, etc...

...With all of that you have NEW research that shows there is a 5 week window (+/-), which turns it into a "due month", you have women that are more in touch with their bodies allowing nature to take its course with no interventions.  In turn, you have quicker, smoother labor and deliveries.  The more I see it and hear stories...the more fascinating I become.  There is no coincidence what is happening here.

This also makes me wonder how my work as a doula changes with this occurrence.  My doula sistah I mentioned earlier...while we were discussing the subject she said something along the lines of, ..."if birth is happening this fast, it's almost like you have to be with the mom for a month so you don't miss the birth..."  At that moment it was like a light bulb went off!  She is correct...and looking back...I was kind of already living that mindset as a doula.  I stayed with my sister in New Jersey a month before she gave birth, as well as two weeks after.  She had an non-medicated birth...no interventions...30 minutes after going to the hospital she was pushing.  Before we moved to Baltimore, I came to stay with my wife before she gave birth at least 4 months prior.  Her outcome was different, however, she was a week early from her "due date".

The other thing that has caught my attention is the mannerisms of the laboring mother.  As of late, you have mothers talking during transition as if they were in early stages of labor.  Now if you have been with a mother while in the last stages of labor...there is little talking going on, if any.  So what's happening is you have a doula on the phone...going by what she is hearing...thinking she has a while because mom is still using her words...when in fact, she is literally about to push a baby out in that moment! :-)

Now, I know that every birth is different...as well as women having their preferences.  That is perfectly understandable and there is nothing wrong or right with it.  When you see all these different things occurring in birth as we know it to be, you cannot help but question WHY...and connect the dots from there.  I had the most medicated, induced, intervention filled birth with my daughter 14 years ago.  Amongst all of that, and what I continue to learn, I can see how my body knew what to do when having her...and having her vaginally, as well as those interventions and the role they played.  For that I am grateful! I also know that with my next one, piece of cake! ;-)

As far as my work as a doula...it makes my vision of building our communities even stronger.  When we have our communities strong, we won't worry about missing a birth.  When we have our communities strong, we really get to know what our moms are thinking and feeling...even when they are talking about it during transition.  When our communities are strong, there is continuous education of understanding our bodies, not only during pregnancy, but as WOMEN...our cycles, our connection to the earth and moon during these cycles...being allowed the space we need to go within our "red tents", respectively!  When our communities are strong...men and women are not at war with each other...we are side by side, building up one another.  And in that building up and loving one another it is becoming a physical manifestation...our children!  And YES, men, you do have a role while mom is doing most of the work WITH baby (that's for another blog on another day).

THIS is how we begin to break the cycle...the cycle of childbirth being medical...the cycle of women not knowing what is best for them and their bodies...and especially the cycle of being uneducated about what you are experiencing, whether it is your first time or your 17th! And most of all...UNITY! :-)

A change isn't coming...it's already here as a reminder of things long forgotten!

Are you paying attention yet?! Wakey Wakey! :-)

A Journey to the West

We recently returned from a trip to California...Sacramento to be exact.  It was an introduction to a section of the family...baby boy got to meet cousins, aunts, uncles and grandparents and I as well (never cared for the term "in laws").

I must say it was an absolutely beautiful trip.  From the adventure getting there to the people I met...amazing!

One of the things I absolutely wanted to do ever was to see Mt. Shasta.  It is the first thing that comes to mind when I hear or think California.  So, you must understand my excitement when my wife informs me that the town her people are from, Weed, California, is at the base of Mt. Shasta!  It just seems too good to be true! lol  Granted, there was no real guarantee that we were gonna have time to go to Weed...seeing that it was 3-3 1/2 hours away from Sacramento.  This is where my trip truly begins...I left Baltimore with the mindset of not having any expectations and absolutely going with the flow.

Just our flight to get to the west coast was off the chain.  There were weather issues and delays going on, and our flight left late due to "mechanical issues".  We had a connecting flight in Minneapolis, but when we got there (late!) we missed our connecting flight...we were gonna be there overnight.  The beautiful thing was because there were mechanical issues that we missed our connecting flight...the airline had to pay for our hotel and food voucher...winning!!!  I couldn't help but think had it been due to weather...3 ladies and a baby were gonna be spending the night on an airport floor...or paying for a room!

Go with the flow and no expectations...

We finally were off the next day, but not until 3 in the afternoon...OH and not to mention or flight was taking us from Minneapolis, back to Atlanta, then to Sacramento!  Did I mention we started this journey in D.C.?!

Got to Sacramento safely and was greeting at our hotel by my wife's father's fiance.  I think it was perfect that she was the first person I met of the family as well as wife's aunt and uncle the next day.  It was the aunt and uncle that gave the push to go to Weed (grateful)!

When we made it to those mountains...OMG...I was just in awe!  I was amazed that I had made it to see this thing of beauty with my own two eyes...surprised that throughout my wife's childhood, this is what she got to see most of her days...when people say it is a spiritual place...you feel it instantly!!!  It is definitely a sight to behold!

We even stopped at a crystal and gem store in Mt. Shasta City...found a nice gift for a new friend I made Mother's Day weekend...the day after her birthday...go with the flow and no expectations...

When we made it back to Sacramento, we went to a family cookout...spent more time with fam (as it should be) and had a smooth trip back home to the east coast.

Now of course I am giving the Reader's Digest version of the trip.  I took sooooo many pictures and so many different events occurred that this blog would be so long.  Honestly, I should have blogged everyday, I was just too busy living in each and every moment...learning more about me, my wife and just US as human beings!  And also seeing how one little baby who is so true to his name, shines his light at all times! :-)

I absolutely look forward to the next adventure...going with the flow and absolutely with NO expectations!

Wake up, let it go, love and let it be! :-)

A Different Kinda Birth Story...

As some know, my family dynamics are a bit...dynamic! :-)  I spent most of 2012 getting prepared for our son to come into the world...and that he did!

Just a brief overview...last year it was decided to join our family in one city...that is, my husband, my wife, our daughter (whom I birthed) and our son (who we welcomed in October)!  Our brother and his son joined us as well. We all made the move to Baltimore and quite an adventure it has been.

That brings us to the birth day of Bayyinah Luther Omari Kwame!

It was quite an interesting combination being a doula and a spouse...at the same time.  The things I remember during early labor was cutting wifey's hair while she was squatting on the floor working through surges (contractions)...walking around the house during contractions...basically chillin' out.  Then it was time to go!  Off we went to the birthing center. It seemed so surreal that the day was here...this little boy was coming!  Yet, I was in doula mode, calm, focused on mom.  She labored in the tub for a little bit, then moved to the bed.  After a few hours, something happened.  She just stopped progressing...and the midwife advised that we needed to make moves to the hospital to help out with things.

Now, I try to go the route that is as natural as possible, and that was the game plan.  At the same time, we also know that sometimes help is needed from the medical field.  I think what threw us off a little bit was the plan of going to the birthing center, have the baby, stay 4 hours postpartum, go home...now the plan became go to the hospital, have the baby, stay 24-48 hrs, go home.  It didn't take long to adjust, all we want is a healthy baby!

Hours later it was determined that mom had been at the same dilation for a while and suggested a c-section (which automatically means 72 hr stay...grrr).  Talk about a sistah's heart sinking to her gut!  My spouse is laying in the bed...yet I have to maintain being her doula...PLUS, keeping our husband informed of what is going on (by now he has taken the children...our daughter and nephew...home...it had been a long day for them).  Of course, we shed tears, shared fears and maybe said a couple prayers to ourselves...knowing everything is gonna be good...we're about to see our son!

Before we began the journey to the OR, we were cracking jokes...even once we got to the OR wifey had the staff cracking up.  I had never been in the room where a c-section is taking place.  That was quite interesting.  I just can't seem to gather the words to describe that experience.  I didn't feel like passing out...I was too busy taking it all in; observing each person in the room from the OB to the Surgical Tech.  It all just seemed so routine to each one of them.  I guess to a point it is.  I think one thing my wife and I made sure of was reminding each one of them that we are human, not just a patient, a number...but human beings, with emotions, and recognize their emotions as well.  I digress...

So, I'm sitting next to my wife, who by this time is completely knocked out because she wouldn't be still.  I kept telling her that she had to be still or they were going to knock her out.  She was so in her inner realm (plus doped up) she was not hearing a word I was saying so...LIGHTS OUT!  Then, I saw Bayyinah emerge!  I felt such a huge surge of oxytocin begin to flow through my body...literally!  I know, for a fact, it was the same surge I felt having my own daughter!  I am so in love...my son...our son...is here!

I share this story to share this:

I know that not everyone understands how we choose to live and that's ok.  One thing I remember sharing with myself and who I choose to be married to is this:  I don't care how the babies come, as long as they come!  That means, I am not the only one in this relationship having babies, yet the ones that do bless us with their presence, they are our babies...I am Mama Le.  One thing is for sure...the love I feel for ALL my babies is real and genuine!

I cannot wait to have more experiences welcoming little star babies to this family, as well as other families...to me it's all ONE village anyway!

Stay tuned... :-)

...A Birth Story...

Well, it's been two weeks since my nephew, Eyon (pronounced E-an) aka "Seven", aka "Chicken", came into this world...and a beautiful experience it was!

I blogged last about the trip to the hospital and us leaving AMA...so that sis could labor at home in peace.  Well, a couple days after that, the labor got active.  She pretty much labored at home all day...and it did get a little painful around midnight but she remained a trooper!  LOL

Simply by observation and following our intuition...we figured out what positions were comfortable for her, then she reached the moment..."I need drugs!"  That was when we decided it was time to go to the hospital.  It was always her choice to go to the hospital...but she was firm in not being poked and prodded, which is why we left the first time.

What makes the story really funny at this point, is when we got to the hospital the doctor that was trying so hard to make this woman get pitocin was on call.  I swear his eyes bucked like the cartoon characters...LOL...he didn't know what to expect.  We got to the hospital at 2:00 a.m. and he checked her about ten minutes after the hour..."9 centimeters, 100%, 0 station..."  and she was steady saying she was ready for the epidural.  Here's where getting crafty with words come in.  In order to not stop her progress, we assured her that the epidural was coming but first they had to start the IV for 30 minutes.  I loved how the staff, one of her best friends and I looked at each other, knowing it was too late for an epidural and she was gonna be pushing soon. :-)

Sure enough, 30 minutes later....TEN CENTIMETERS!  That first push....you could see this little ones head...3 pushes later, he was out!  Apparently this baby and his mother were the talk of the floor.  They hadn't experienced a mother leaving...having the support to leave on her own and seemed they were preparing for the worse.  This little boy was just fine...6 lbs 5 oz, 19 inches long and letting people know he was here by his cry!  He even had a knot in the umbilical cord.  My sis was so proud of herself that she did it with no drugs, even though she was wanting an epidural at that point...not realizing it was really just time to push.

What was even more amazing was how rested she felt later that day...not feeling drugged or sore from an epidural.  As a black woman and how much my community is quick to go to the doctor and let them tell what they need to do or not do...not trusting their own intuition...I am absolutely proud of my sis for owning her power and not giving it to someone else that wanted it so badly, so they could have their way!

Mom and baby are doing well and had a wonderful Mother's Day!  I can't wait to get back to Jersey for a visit...I miss my lil "chicken" (chicken legs...LOL)!  :-)

What Are We Doing?!...Relationships, I Tell Ya...

Relationships seem to be on my mind today.  I've had a range of emotions for the past few weeks.  All my relationships, with myself, my daughter, my mother, my wife, my husband...even my friends and acquaintances via social network and those I've been friends with for years crossed my mind in particular yesterday on Mother's Day.  I saw how loving and supportive we were to each other acknowledging the women who portray motherhood in their respective perspectives.  It was quite beautiful.

But why we can't do this everyday is puzzling to me. We do the same thing for Father's Day, Thanksgiving, Christmas...smh...it's like the most loving, kind, powerful experiences come on holidays.  Why can't we do this everyday, just because?  Thinking back to those moments in your life, how did you feel?  Wasn't it a loving moment for you that you wanted to last more than just for that moment?

My goal is to live as such everyday.  Sometimes I think it's easier for me, because I was raised not celebrating all these holidays.  I respected them though...even birthdays...because of how they made people feel.  It was almost euphoric because for ONE day, they feel special.  However, it seems these holidays get tainted...Mothers upset they gotta do it all and no recognition...Fathers that don't get their props because they are seen as a sperm donor or a no good for nothing (...need I finish the phrase??)...people going broke just to make children happy with material things...WHAT ARE WE DOING?!  Who benefits from it all?  Is it us...because I don't see it.

I was at a happy hour last week that was rather entertaining.  Although I knew none of these people...it was interesting seeing virtual world meet the physical world...and see just how eff'd up we are and somehow THINK we aren't accountable for how others treat us.  This one sis...smh...bless her...she was taking a break from drinking because she realizes she does "stupid stuff" when she is drunk.  Well, that's just a little "truth serum" kicking in, right?!  She decided to go to her ex boyfriend's house, basically speak her truth of how she felt he was (basically insulting and abusive...yes ladies, we do it too!) and later asked him for some "lovin".  LOL...Erykah Badu's song pops into my head with the verse, "...just make love to me...just one more time and then you'll see...I can't believe I made a desperate plea..."  Before I knew it, I asked this woman, "You just insulted him...what makes you think he's gonna give you ANY part of his body?!"  Her response, "...no man rejects pu$$y!"  One thing I often see, is that as males and females, we really don't respect each other as human beings...with feelings...choices...nor realize that WE are accountable for what WE choose to do or not do...not someone else.

WHAT ARE WE DOING?!

I don't have the perfect relationships...nor are they in any way "of the norm".  One thing I know, is that we have got to respect and love each other.  We can express how we refuse to be disrespected by anyone in any way, but do we give what we receive?  If we want people to be honest with us, are we honest with them?  If we don't want to be treated like children...like adults...do we do the same with each other? In particular, the opposite sex?  I've found I place myself in this maternal position, feeling I know what best to do, but it may stunt the growth of the other adults in my life that I'm married to.  My wife is pregnant...sure I've had a child...but she needs to have HER experience.  I can offer my experiences but I have to remember my experiences are not hers to have.  I've caught myself approaching my husband as a child...when I know it's not my intention, but it's how he perceives it.  I don't know what it's like to be a MAN or a FATHER in this life...it's not my place to tell my husband how to be such...but you best believe I've got his back and will continue to build him up and not tear him down.  Our daughter letting me know what she sees...her mother showing everyone love...something I know not everyone sees on a daily.  My daughter is coming into her own...being a teenager that we once were...and can offer advice, yet there are things she has to learn on her own...and should have support from her parental unit (more than just 2 parents) that the sky's the limit (or not)!  WE are all learning how to be something we have no experience, in this lifetime of being...but we are willing to learn...and learn TOGETHER! 

Every human being we come across in our lives...our mothers, fathers, sisters, brothers, lovers, best friends, spouses, "babymamas", "babydaddys", OUR CHILDREN...a person we walk past on the street, just saying "hello"...we are all learning something (internally and from each other) and trying to reach the same goal...LOVE & UNDERSTANDING!  Some people choose to repeat what they learned in their environments, some choose to learn from their experiences...what to do and what NOT to do...break the cycle and evolve.

Let's build each other up...let them know daily how much they are of value to this universe.  Do you tell yourself that when you look in the mirror?  There is only ONE you...and you are part of the equation of life!  If we can tell babies these things, and we all were once those same babies...why can't we say such as adults?  What changed?  Maybe we should make everyday a holiday so the spirit of encouragement and appreciation of each other lives on for more than ONE day.  Wouldn't that be grand?!  What are you going to do today?!  Love is something I don't mind being contagious! :-)

Wake up, let it go, LOVE and let it be...Have a beautiful day everyONE!  I love YOU!   :-)

A Birth Story...Well, Not Quite Yet...

So, I've been in New Jersey for the past couple of weeks awaiting the arrival of my "nephew" whose "guess date" is April 23rd.  Yesterday was the day the contractions came...hooray!!!  We have been waiting to see this young man enter into the world, and YES, another taurus! :-)

Sis worked through contractions from late afternoon to late evening.  By 10:00 p.m., she felt it was time to go to the hospital.  Now, the contractions weren't that consistent, but I'm not the one laboring and what the mother feels SHE wants to do, we will respect...away we go!  We arrived at the hospital to L&D, and this is when the "fun" began!

First there was monitoring...a resident with his med student that wasn't sure if he was seeing meconium or not (asking the nurse just to be sure...smh)...but has been doing this at least a year so he says...sis having discomfort from him checking the cervix, as if he was using his fist versus his fingers...all of that to be told, "You're only 3 centimeters" more than once.  That's when the talk of interventions began.  It was like pitocin became a stalker!  LOL  My sis' experience with having her first child was not a great one...pitocin, epidural...it was decided that will not happen again.  I swear this doctor came in at least 3-4 times with various fear tactics of what would happen if she DIDN'T get pitocin...discussing possible risks if she didn't get the medicine, not the risks WITH the medicine.  But I guess that's what you have a doula for...to keep you informed FULLY! :-)

This was the point when intuition and paying attention to how the universe works came in.  The nurse that was on duty, was amazing...she was like the body guard.  I love how she reassured my sis that she didn't have to do what she didn't want to do...which we knew.  She also told us how the doctor wanted to just force her to get pitocin...we laughed.  I remember that last time he came into that room, trying once again to get sis to get that pitocin going and an epidural if you can't take the pain, waking up and asking him, "Have you ever experienced a birth WITHOUT any intervention?"  He did say yes, and added what the difference was between what he has witnessed in the past and what is occurring now.  OH, and mind you, this lil boy's heart rate was strong, never dropped, no fever present...basically no indication that any intervention was needed.  This man, who was very nice, but not use to a patient standing their ground, was informed by us that him causing stress to the mom by attempting to instill fear and get his way may be doing nothing but hindering her progression of labor...and really, we are all learning something.  In this case, a lesson for us to not allow fear to win and for them to witness something textbooks may never show them..a NATURAL childbirth.

I saw my sister laying in the bed, about to cry, fighting wanting to give in...but I remember something she told me when she first found out she was pregnant, "I just want to have my baby in peace."  Once we were reminded of that request, it's like the universe went to work.  The sleep we were able to get was like a meditation on the matter at hand.  Instead of giving into the fear, sis decided she was going home, and was firm in that decision.  And after at least 4 people coming in trying to convince her that she needed to stay at the hospital (but they can't make her stay of course), the AMA papers came and were signed.  They even sent in the black doctor, I guess they thought maybe someone the same race would change her mind would work...LOL  The universe working again and the wording this young woman used was absolutely beautiful.  She admitted that my sis wishes was out of their realm of understanding...they are programmed a certain way.  She said she didn't agree with it but understood it...and THAT was so respected...someone speaking their TRUTH!

This is just a brief summary of the things witnessed from last night until this morning...but one thing I can say is I am so proud of my sister for standing her ground...knowing what she wanted and did not want.  As for me, and my doula studies, understanding more and more what being an advocate for the wishes of a woman birthing her child(ren) really means!  Lessons indeed!

Now, to continue to labor AT HOME, in peace!  We'll be back at the hospital when it's time and always on HER terms!  This taurus baby is coming, and SOON!  Wake up, let it go, love and let it be!  Have a beautiful day everyONE...I love YOU! :-)