Thursday, September 8, 2011

Family Dynamics...

I often think about the scripture regarding a man leaving his father and mother and clinging to his wife. I also thought this was weird because I thought, "How can you leave your family behind that raised you once you are married?" I also thought it only applied to men, not women. HA! The experiences I have had not only in my adult life, but married life as well thus far, the message is loud and clear. I have more clarity in what this truly means.

I have struggled with a back and forth, with my mother, many do not know about. Many longtime friends of mine have a picture of my mother and I being thick as thieves, when you saw one, you saw the other. I also noticed that my mother was perfectly happy with our family dynamic, but what about my life? What about what I want to do...maybe have a husband and more kids? Once I decided to break the vicious cycle that my grandmother created and my mother wanted to continue, things changed. I felt like I was being punished for finally saying NO to my parents. That wasn't the was the beginning stages of my leaving my father and mother and beginning my own family.

Fastforward to mother attempts to continue that cycle without me, her only daughter. She found a "replacement" for me in her best friend (she hasn't gotten the memo that I cannot be of a kind here!) & even attempts to pull my daughter into that unhealthy nonsense. I feel I have broken a cycle whose end is long overdue, and in the process I have noticed that the more love and freedom I display towards the family I have known since birth they have dismissed themselves one by one.  I had to realize, it wasn't me that changed my love, it was them changing their love towards me.  While I choose not to place conditions and judgments on my love, judgments and conditions seem to be placed on me by them.  The initial reaction is shock & anger, but not so much anymore.  Dramas not entertained, soon fades away.  I have done and said all I can, openly and honestly to the ones I love...and I am aware that my decisions they may not always agree with and that is ok.  My parents taught me how to love, whether they were good experiences or bad ones, I took the lesson...and I am yet learning another valuable one.

Not only are family members running their course, but some long time friends who I consider my family are dismissing themselves as well.  I am beginning to notice a tell people the TRUTH, and they begin to not like you so much when it's really themselves they aren't liking in that moment.  It could be only my truth but I choose not to live behind a facade and if I see it in front of me, I am going to fight through the illusion.  One of my "sisters" said something to me the other day about my husband and I, "One thing I know about y'all is whatever/whoever leaves it sure does make its way back to ya!"  How true indeed.  I have seen people (even animals...LOL) come and go out of my life based on arrogance, never to be seen again. But there are some, whom I may have the craziest connection with...will leave and come back and it be like no time was lost between us. 

Saying goodbye is one of the hardest things to do...I'm learning that if you KNOW there is a place of love for them in your heart, you never really say "goodbye" because love is always going to be there!  I pray that one day, all the ones that physically leave my life truly understand how it is I never left or even said goodbye!

Wake up, let it go & LOVE!  Make it beautiful everyONE!

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