A Transition Into Childbirth

I have been doing hair for the last 15 years and within the past year and a half I have become awakened to a new direction on my path in this journey they call life.  Almost a year ago, I decided I was going to become certified as a doula (birthing coach) and later down the road become a certified midwife.  The more and more I research, the more I receive this "push" to move forward.

My childbirth experience was in a hospital...7 weeks before my "guess date".  I had the pitocin, the epidural...even the episiotomy.  I have no regrets because regardless of how early my daughter decided to come into this world, I never lost my power, my voice!  I remember the one thing I repeated to my doctor was, "I will NOT be having a C-Section..."  I even remember one of the nurses attempting to instill fear in me while signing paperwork, because my choices didn't fit with her opinions.  I believe one thing that medical staff get twisted is that the patient, and all human beings, have a choice!  I witnessed this with my first client, as a doula.  I heard "induction" so many times, from the nurses to the residents, like it was a science experiment about to be performed!  My client made her voice heard every moment..."NOPE!"  She stuck to what she decided she was going to do...even when she hit a brick wall, she had already decided what her alternative was going to be, and made it known without hesitation. 

The documentaries I've seen and stories I hear via social networking and in person, make my heart just cry.  So many women wanting to have an awesome experience and others that have robbed women of such a joyous occasion.  These stories awakened me to see that there is such a disconnection going on when it comes to childbirth, at least in the U.S.  People are more occupied being of service to themselves rather than being of service to others.  If your profession is to deliver babies, shouldn't there be an understanding that things should happen in their own time?  Have medical professionals gotten so consumed with their own time that they rush childbirth, and at the same time creating possible risks towards the mother and child?  Is the government and insurance agencies and pharmaceutical companies so intertwined that midwifery is illegal in most states?

Everyone is entitled to their preferences...hospital, birthing center or at home.  I am an advocate for, not only women, but their partners having their voice heard.  A couple/family's wishes being respected via their birth plan and not being criticized for it.  I tell clients the plan is to have no plan...have alternatives.  What if I can't handle the pain, what would be an alternative?  What if labor isn't going well at home and I need further assistance?  Everyone's situation is different but one thing remains the same...having children has been going on long before the medical industry came along.  It is a natural experience in life.  If women trust their bodies, their intuition and not be afraid to speak her voice...amazing things happen!  Without interventions, your body will produce it's own drug that no company can re-create...they come close...but not quite!

My next birth experience my husband & I choose to be at home, with a birthing pool...my husband says I'm gonna be the one delivering the baby...we'll see!  Congrats to those expecting...remember...GRAVITY is your friend during labor! Wake up, let it go & love!

It's Been A While...

It has been a while since I have blogged and I will tell you why.  I felt a lot of chaos happening around me and within...and I had to just shut down and listen to the silence within.  That may sound foreign to some but hear me out...

I found myself attempting to find logic in the illogical...why are we not getting along? Is it something I am doing, or am I missing something? Should I stay or should I go? Should I step in and say something or just leave it be? Various questions in my head so much so I wasn't listening to my heart, where my truth rests patiently to be seen. I found myself about to relive past events, react the same way, only to get the same result yet again.  This time, I decided to change and not repeat the past. I realized in order to not repeat the past I must listen to my heart. In order to understand what I presently experience, I must listen to my heart.  Shutting down the "chatter" of multiple questions in my head, attempting to find logic, forced me into a quiet place and it was amazing.  It showed me my present isn't so different from my past.  Understanding my emotions in the past helps me determine my emotions in my present. I was such an asshole...serving and only thinking of myself, not taking other's emotions into consideration, only mine.  What is different NOW...I can be that asshole, but I know it limits me from helping others, showing them the love I give myself.  I also realize that family, friends, babymamas and even babydaddys may have to remove themselves from your reality, but how YOU respond, keeping a place of love for them in YOUR heart...they will awaken when the time is right on their path.  It's not an easy road, I'm just glad I understand the directions a little bit better...

Happy School Year!

Everyone is getting ready for back to school on some level.  Our family has taken the leap to start homeschooling this year.  I'm finding this school year being less stressful..no rushing for uniforms, school supplies and even supplies the teacher's choose to add to the school supply list for the kids...smh

It's pretty awesome taking back your child's education, saying 'no more' to the testing instead of teaching. This summer has been a trial run, working out the kinks to make this as smooth a transition as possible not only for our daughter but for us as well.  Home schooling connects with everything in our life; even the dynamics of work is changing before our very eyes. This is an opportunity to be creative with how a child learns.  She even has a say in her education with one simple question, "What do you want to learn today?"  It's amazing how much a child, a preteen at that, opens up and is quite verbal what she wants to learn.

I know not everyone has the means to homeschool their child(ren)...I thought I was one of those people until I decided to leap ("I'm mad as hell, and I'm not taking it anymore!").  I encourage every parent, not matter where your child goes to school, you do have a voice! A lot of these teachers crave your support to make a change in the school system.  Can you imagine what would happen if parents and teachers unite against the government dumbing our kids down with testing....and testing for what?!  My daughter may not be in public school anymore, but I will continue to fight for the babies...their parents have to want to fight too, as well as the teachers!

So here is to a happy school year to everyone...let's make some history and change it up...who's with me?!  Wake up, let it go & love!

What Can I Make Today?

There is something enjoyable about creating. I'm finding myself creating everyday. It started with creating my own hair gel. That expanded into the idea of creating hair products, which are in the works. 

Have you ever noticed how much money we spend buying items that are made by someone else?  Why don't we take out the time to create with our own two hands?  Not only can creating be amazing to our self esteem, it can bring cost savings to the household.  I've begun looking around the house, looking at ways I can save while making everyday household items. Just today, I realized instead of buying more laundry detergent, I could make some of my own that would wash more loads of clothes and still be a savings of at least $0.16 per load.  It doesn't seem like a lot but at the end of the year, you would be surprised how much you saved.

My creativity has expand into educating my daughter via home school. Science class will consist of making hair gel, detergent, other household products.  I have also gotten back sewing...home economics...oh there is no limit!

It's time to start creating...let your creative juices flow!

Routines, Habits & Rituals

For the past couple years, I have joined my husband with fasting.  At first, we would fast the first 21 days of the new year...only eating and drinking after sundown, no alcohol, no sugar, sodas, juices...even no sex.  This year we changed it up and decided to fast the first 7 days of the new year and the first 3 days of every month.  A nice recharge at the beginning of every month.

Last month, there was an awakening. My husband asked this one question, "What is the point?"  Definitely a good question I had to ask myself.  What is the point of fasting if only to go back to drinking alcohol, sodas/juices & eating sugar...and definitely sex (lol).  Granted, fasting also would lead to some sort of awakening for me.  I truly believe that what occurred last month was yet another awakening.  The first 3 days of this month, we didn't fast...and it felt as good as fasting!  That led me to the conclusion, "There is no point...how we have been conducting our fast, it no longer serves a purpose for me and that's ok."  I am finding that my body will do it's own version of fasting, which happened a couple days ago.

Just that one routine had me thinking about all of the routines, habits and rituals that we all have collected throughout our lives.  The ones we set for ourselves as well as the ones that were set by our parental units.  If we do something repetitive for whatever reason, why do we do it...what is the point?  If it is something that we have grown tired of doing over and over, why do we continue to do it?  Fasting is just one aspect of my life that is evolving into something else.  I even find employment evolving for me.  I use to be so focused on that office job, knowing my pay I will receive every pay period, then I got to a point I didn't want to be confined like that anymore.  I missed doing hair so that's what I went back to.  I enjoy what I do thoroughly, however I see it evolving into something right before my eyes.  Seeing things change for me use to be scary but as I grow I embrace the unknown...it keeps life exciting.  I am also finding that it isn't too unknown because we are given clues and messages all day every day in this Universe that guides us on our path.  It's up to us to pay attention to what is received as much as we pay attention to what it is we give to this Universe.

Everyday I ask myself what routine, habit or ritual am I willing to put to the side, or end, to see what new thing will occur in my life.  I know whatever the new thing is, it's going to teach me a lot about ME and I'm all for that!

Wake up, let it go & love!

Ladies...What Are We Doing?!

Ladies, do we live in such an illusion that we feel any man we meet we have the power to "change him"?  Seriously?!  I look at so many issues of baby daddy/ baby mama drama that has led me to this conclusion: Women look at a man that appeals to them and feel in their heart of hearts that either they can "change him" by any means necessary...even if that involves bringing a child into this world.  If I hadn't witnessed women completely lose their minds (join the chaos) because their expectations did not meet their reality, with my own two eyes, I'd think it was a comedy, written, produced & directed by Tyler Perry, hitting the movie screen this fall.  I have seen this with two women recently, ages 19 & 23. I have seen these women dream up a "Prince Charming" fairy tale (I think that's been engrained generation after generation), woman meets man, they fall in "love", they get pregnant (nothing is ever an accident) and live happily ever after.  Well, no one wrote about the emotions along the way.  No one wrote about the lies and deceit a woman (or a man) will create to get things to "go their way" only to see things go as they should.  And for the next 18 years, a child has to hear "Yo Daddy this, Yo Daddy that" because instead of just flowing with what life brings, you want to continue attempting to control a situation.  Why are we bringing such negativity to the innocent ears of a child?  How did you feel if and when such words were uttered to you about your parent (if allowed by your mother)?  If we didn't like it as children, why do we continue to do allow the cycle to happen yet again as adults?  What happened to the phrases as children "When I grow up I'm not gonna do my child like this"....When I grow up I'm gonna do this"?

There was a reason that I mention the ages of these two women.  First thought is, "Oh, they are young, they are learning."  Well, what about the mothers of these young women?  What about the women well in their 50s acting the exact same way?  I've experienced this within my family as well...with my mother & aunt.  Two women, sisters...my mother cannot respect her sister nor her sister's marriage enough because she wants to control a situation that does not involve her yet she feels it does.  After 30 years, you would think something like this would be rectified...not so much.

All of this has me thinking, what does it take for a woman, at any age, to realize that they cannot control anyone but themselves.  If YOU decide to take an action to get a reaction from someone else and it is a reaction YOU desire...what do you think is going to happen?  Anyone who feels they are being controlled are going to react.  STOP IT!  It amazes me how women will be upset about their situation (whatever it may be), blame it on someone else for THEIR life not going the way THEY planned yet every step of the way made a conscious decision.  How do YOUR decisions become other people's issues?  Hello...you just created your own frustration!

Honestly, I shouldn't single out the ladies but it seems to me, the beings that have children on this planet, use this tactic on a regular and frankly, I get saddened by what I see.  The desire to be separate because things don't go your way.  A child missing out on being loved by the world...by family, because their mother is upset their child's father doesn't want to be in a relationship with them but wants to be there to assist raising his child.  Because that woman is not receiving that love directly, it's a problem or issue.  Why are you jealous of the affection your own child receives from their father?  Why do we continue this hamster wheel of nonsense and not do something different?!  Aren't you tired of fighting for no damn reason?!  What are we doing and how are we going to change it?!

I was a single parent for 8 years...I had my points of name calling (dealing with my emotions) my daughter's father but one thing I never would do is talk bad about her daddy in front of her.  I knew how angry it made me as a little girl for my mother to do that to me about my father.  The difference between my childhood and my daughter's is that my father was in the house part of the time my mother would "trash talk".  I learn from my history so that I don't repeat history.  With growth I've learned to deal with my emotions with my daughter's father and not put them on anyone else...learning so much that my eyes have been opened to actually see that level of love between us that never left.  The fairy tale would be to believe that love I refer to means we are going to get back together and be one big happy family...and I genuinely thought that at one time...it was the illusion I believed or expectation I had.  But the reality I now see is that, there was love there when my daughter WAS conceived, and that IS the love that remains between us.  No one can break that.  Some will attempt to disrespect that, but I've also learned when it's disrespected, that means it's just simply not understood.  On that note, all I can say is, "We got a lot of work to do!" and I've been ready to continue teaching and learning.

WAKE UP, let it go & Love!!!

Change Your History!

Change your history...seems like an oxymoron (to me) but let me explain (no time machine needed...lol).  When I was growing up I was told stories by my aunt (and my mom) regarding how they grew up.  How my grandmother would control them by controlling their situation.  She also used religion to reinforce this sense of control.  My aunt was one of the six children that decided to take her power back from her mother and stop the controlling.  Fast forward to my life, those stories I was told remained in the back of my mind and paid attention. My conclusion was I didn't want that to happen to me.  I didn't want ANYONE controlling me, telling me what I can and cannot do.  Someone telling me that if I don't do what they feel is right, God would be displeased.  And I refused to carry this into raising my child(ren).  I knew what it felt being treated that way.

Knowing that some habits are engrained by our parents/relatives as well as knowing some of these habits I personally do not care for, when I would see them arise, I choose to do something different.  Instead of seeing "history repeat itself", I choose to change my history!  I know my marriage is different because I learned what NOT to do from my family/relatives...friends too.  If you don't like what you see going on around you, do something different to get a different result.  You may be amazed what changes will occur.

This same idea applies in any aspect of our life.  If you are tired of continuously being treated negatively at every job you have had, do something different...CHANGE YOUR HISTORY!  If you have seen the vicious cycle of babymama/babydaddy drama...the cycle that started with your mother/father or grandmother/grandfather...if you have seen the same result generation after generation, CHANGE YOUR HISTORY!  Only you have the power (free will) to change you!  The debt crisis is one of the current events that has my attention because I see how "worried" a lot of folks are about the government shutting down if there is no agreement.  History has always been to raise the debt ceiling and if that doesn't happen in this present moment, people are fearful of the government shuts down.  Pay attention to your history to know that history should change.  Just because life has been lived a certain way prior to now doesn't mean you have to continue to live it in your present.  CHANGE YOUR HISTORY.  I look forward to something different happening, in any aspect of my life.  That could be on a personal level or as a part of the human race.  If you know what the end result is going to be, what's the fun in that?!  Instead of closing your eyes expecting the twists, turns and dips of the rollercoaster to be scary & holding on tight, OPEN YOUR EYES, throw your hands up and embrace that rush you feel riding the twists, turns & dips of this rollercoaster of life!  That's how we begin to change the world...changing our history!

Wake up, let it go & love...have a beautiful day everyONE!  I love YOU!