Tuesday, August 2, 2011

Ladies...What Are We Doing?!

Ladies, do we live in such an illusion that we feel any man we meet we have the power to "change him"?  Seriously?!  I look at so many issues of baby daddy/ baby mama drama that has led me to this conclusion: Women look at a man that appeals to them and feel in their heart of hearts that either they can "change him" by any means necessary...even if that involves bringing a child into this world.  If I hadn't witnessed women completely lose their minds (join the chaos) because their expectations did not meet their reality, with my own two eyes, I'd think it was a comedy, written, produced & directed by Tyler Perry, hitting the movie screen this fall.  I have seen this with two women recently, ages 19 & 23. I have seen these women dream up a "Prince Charming" fairy tale (I think that's been engrained generation after generation), woman meets man, they fall in "love", they get pregnant (nothing is ever an accident) and live happily ever after.  Well, no one wrote about the emotions along the way.  No one wrote about the lies and deceit a woman (or a man) will create to get things to "go their way" only to see things go as they should.  And for the next 18 years, a child has to hear "Yo Daddy this, Yo Daddy that" because instead of just flowing with what life brings, you want to continue attempting to control a situation.  Why are we bringing such negativity to the innocent ears of a child?  How did you feel if and when such words were uttered to you about your parent (if allowed by your mother)?  If we didn't like it as children, why do we continue to do allow the cycle to happen yet again as adults?  What happened to the phrases as children "When I grow up I'm not gonna do my child like this"....When I grow up I'm gonna do this"?

There was a reason that I mention the ages of these two women.  First thought is, "Oh, they are young, they are learning."  Well, what about the mothers of these young women?  What about the women well in their 50s acting the exact same way?  I've experienced this within my family as well...with my mother & aunt.  Two women, sisters...my mother cannot respect her sister nor her sister's marriage enough because she wants to control a situation that does not involve her yet she feels it does.  After 30 years, you would think something like this would be rectified...not so much.

All of this has me thinking, what does it take for a woman, at any age, to realize that they cannot control anyone but themselves.  If YOU decide to take an action to get a reaction from someone else and it is a reaction YOU desire...what do you think is going to happen?  Anyone who feels they are being controlled are going to react.  STOP IT!  It amazes me how women will be upset about their situation (whatever it may be), blame it on someone else for THEIR life not going the way THEY planned yet every step of the way made a conscious decision.  How do YOUR decisions become other people's issues?  Hello...you just created your own frustration!

Honestly, I shouldn't single out the ladies but it seems to me, the beings that have children on this planet, use this tactic on a regular and frankly, I get saddened by what I see.  The desire to be separate because things don't go your way.  A child missing out on being loved by the world...by family, because their mother is upset their child's father doesn't want to be in a relationship with them but wants to be there to assist raising his child.  Because that woman is not receiving that love directly, it's a problem or issue.  Why are you jealous of the affection your own child receives from their father?  Why do we continue this hamster wheel of nonsense and not do something different?!  Aren't you tired of fighting for no damn reason?!  What are we doing and how are we going to change it?!

I was a single parent for 8 years...I had my points of name calling (dealing with my emotions) my daughter's father but one thing I never would do is talk bad about her daddy in front of her.  I knew how angry it made me as a little girl for my mother to do that to me about my father.  The difference between my childhood and my daughter's is that my father was in the house part of the time my mother would "trash talk".  I learn from my history so that I don't repeat history.  With growth I've learned to deal with my emotions with my daughter's father and not put them on anyone else...learning so much that my eyes have been opened to actually see that level of love between us that never left.  The fairy tale would be to believe that love I refer to means we are going to get back together and be one big happy family...and I genuinely thought that at one time...it was the illusion I believed or expectation I had.  But the reality I now see is that, there was love there when my daughter WAS conceived, and that IS the love that remains between us.  No one can break that.  Some will attempt to disrespect that, but I've also learned when it's disrespected, that means it's just simply not understood.  On that note, all I can say is, "We got a lot of work to do!" and I've been ready to continue teaching and learning.

WAKE UP, let it go & Love!!!

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